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Secret Blog 50

Hello, how’s it going everybody? Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to this blog. I think it’s been a few weeks. I’ve been meaning to finish off this last entry but for some reason I keep putting it off. I think it might be because I want it to be crazy good. I want it to to feel like the culmination of some epic undertaking. But it probably won’t end like that.

All I can think about this morning is how worn out I am. I feel like I should be in bed and stay in bed. I had a weird day yesterday. I spent the weekend in west Texas visiting my sister and her husband and my 13-or-so month old niece. It was a nice visit. We got back Sunday night and yesterday I woke up meaning to get back into my writing groove but it just wasn’t happening. I got on the internet and just read a bunch of stuff all day. It was productive because I recorded 2 song request videos for youtube. It was #’s 3 and 4. I might do a fifth one if anybody has any more requests. We’ll see.

Anyway, after getting busy on the internet I kept forgetting to eat. And eventually by about 4 or 5 I decided that I needed to put something in my stomach. So I made some strawberry Poptarts and poured a glass of milk to wash it down with. But after the first sip I realized that the milk was a few days old. I think it was 4 days old. But I didn’t get much so I thought I’d be fine.

After that I decided to make some eggs just to have something more substantial in my body. I scrambled 4 and melted some cheese in too.

Well, after a few hours my body started to go south. I could tell that my stomach wasn’t feeling very happy. Still, I didn’t think it was that bad. I decided to go to bed early and hopefully wake up feeling a little better. My dad saw that I was feeling bad so he took a pretty late trip to a drug store and got some Pepto Bismol, a 7 Up and some Alka Seltzers. I took a couple sips of 7 Up and I think that’s when my stomach decided that whatever was in me was going to come up through my mouth instead of out the other end later. I walked into the bathroom and could feel some turbulence. I was glad that I caught it early ‘cuz I made it to the toilet before it all started coming out.

It was a rough puke. It was one of those pukes where a bit comes out and you think it’s over. And then more comes out. And then more. And then more. I kept spitting in the toilet to get it out of my mouth. (Sorry, this entry’s gotten pretty gross)

I get some pretty good sleep last night only my mind was spinning about Lost. I’ve been consuming so much Lost internet information that I think it’s wearing me down.

This morning I feel loads better but still a little weak. I’ll probably lay down again.

I have this issue lately though. It isn’t just lately actually, it’s happened for a while. My mind will get zooming from reading and writing and then it’s time for bed and I just lay there for a while and wait for my thoughts to slow down. I used to think that manual labor was the only kind of work that could leave you exhausted but that’s not accurate. Mental work can wear you down just as much. I think that’s why I get confused about it. I’ll spend a few hours at a computer or working on a writing project and realize that I can’t get my brain to chill out. I’ve often wondered if this is why a lot of writers drink. Or at least that it’s one of the reasons. Sometimes you just want your mind to relax and chill out for a minute.

I guess I haven’t figured out how to switch over yet.

I am one of those people who needs a lot of alone time. I’ll sit on my bed and just feel mentally tired. Sometimes I have great and fun thoughts but sometimes they’re just heavy and weird and I don’t know what to do with them. I know that having bad thoughts is normal. I think most people have that, though most people don’t talk about it. I don’t know. My brain will get going down some road and I don’t know how to get it back.

It’s crazy when you think about all the stuff that gets in your head on a daily basis. I know that my head is filled with TV shows and websites. I don’t get it. I think I’m in more of a TV season than normal. I’ve been watching so many shows. Or at least 5. And that’s a lot for me. And I’m very into them.

Gosh, I had such big plans for this Secret Blog project but I don’t know if I made it. I’ve been sitting around waiting for the Lost series finale and hoping that it will end well. I wanted to end this blog series well too. Like, as if it has all come to conclude in a profound way. But I don’t have anything fancy to say other than that I’m feeling tired and I think I’m glad that this whole thing is over. I’m just ready to be done.

Maybe I’ll take a break from writing. I do know that if I write another series of blogs they will be more focused and I’ll try to outline them before I start. Stuff like this just takes a long time. Sometimes it’s cool to wander but I know that it would go a lot smoother if I had more of a plan. Hmm…

Anyway, thanks for reading this stuff and I hope you have a good day or life, whoever the heck you are!

2010: 05/11
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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Secret Blog 49

Hello. How is everyone? I bet you can’t tell what I’m thinking about right now. I bet I don’t want to tell you. I bet it’s not very interesting anyway. Still, I bet you’re curious to know.

I’m debating in my mind whether I want to tell you guys what I’m thinking or not. I think I might pass. I guess I have that option.

Is it wrong to toy with your audience like this? Does it make me an evil writer? What would redeem me from this junk?

I’m sorry. What was I talking about again?

Tonight feels like a hiccup to me. I feel like I’ve had one too many Dr. Peppers and I should probably go to sleep pretty soon. I’m trying to wrestle something worthwhile out of my brain but… I feel dry and tired. Is that okay? Will you go easy on me tonight, audience? I’m nearing the end of these Secret Blog entries. I’ve been imagining in my head like my blogs are really popular like Lost and I’m trying to end this series with a bang. Sadly, I don’t think I’m hitting it. I keep thinking that there’s a certain hour of the day where my thoughts are ripest and for some reason I’m never writing during that time. I have this belief though. I believe that the part of me that is sensitive to being able to tell if I’m wring meaningful stuff is numb. Or, my filter has had so much junk pumped through it that it can’t tell what’s not so great anymore. It’s not a very fun feeling.

Can you tell that I’m grasping at air right now? Maybe it would be better to put this entry off for a more inspired time. Would that even be good? Maybe I’m touching on something good here but I just can’t see it myself. I’m trying to believe that that is possible. I’m sure it is.

You know what I’m really happy about right now? It’s not a huge deal… It’s that I just bought two boxes of Swiss Miss hot chocolate at Target tonight. I put hot chocolate in my coffee, see. And I’ve been out. And I’ve been missing it. But now I have it back. Isn’t that great?

Well, that’s all I can think about right now. That’s as far as my thoughts can go. And I feel satisfied about it. But I’m having to blabber for a minute to fill up this blog space. That’s what’s going on.

I really am sleepy. I could get to sleep pretty soon tonight. I’ve had trouble sleeping the last couple of nights. I’ve been just laying in bed. I think tonight will be different.

Good grief. I was gonna delete this and start over but I’m so tired. I can’t think. Maybe I’ll wake up in the morning and delete this. That would be smart. Until then though, this is my 49th Secret Blog post.

Just a little bit more later. Peace.

2010: 05/03
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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Secret Blog 48

I’m getting so close to my end goal of 50 Secret Blogs. I don’t have these last few planned out yet. I don’t know what I’ll be talking about. I was going to go back to the beginning and read some of the first entries and try to tie it in somehow but I’m feeling lazy.

My new computer doesn’t have word processing software on it yet. Normally I use Word. I spent a big chunk of the day today searching the internet for information about my options for word processors. I ended up finding one that I like a lot, surprisingly. It’s called WriteRoom. I think it was developed for Macs but I also think you can get it for PC. If you’ve ever seen the TV show Doogie Howser, M.D. then you’ve seen WriteRoom. It’s a blank, black screen with a blinking green curser and the text is all green. It’s so basic.

Simplicity is actually the point.

I’m writing the first draft of this entry on a free month-long downloaded version of WriteRoom. I’m testing it out. The regular version is around 25 dollars. I thought it sounded like a ripoff when I first heard the price. But I have to say that I’m enjoying it.

It’s designed to eliminate the distractions of writing on a computer. It’s probably the closest you can get to typing on a typewriter. I have a feeling I’ll want to buy it. I think I would use this pretty regularly. I think one of the hardest things about writing is focusing. I say that while, in addition to typing on WriteRoom I’m also wearing some big, noise-blocking headphones.

This is a video about WriteRoom:

The screenplay I’m working on is getting to the next stage. For a little while I was just free writing my thoughts about the movie idea I had. Then I blocked it out into a 3 Act structure. Then I broke the 3 Acts down into 12 separate episodic sections. Meaning that I broke it down into 12 10 minute episodes.

Now, I’ve been going through each episode and writing 10 things that are going to happen in each episode. The idea is that when I finish I will know exactly what each page will need to accomplish. And I believe it will make the actual writing of the screenplay a lot easier and more enjoyable than I was thinking it would be.

I’ve finished 10 of the 12 episodes. My next writing session will be devoted to the last 2. And once I’m done with that one I can go back and start typing out the first draft and see how it goes.

What I have so far is just the basic backbone of the story. It’s gonna be 120 plot points. One plot point per page, ideally. In the next stage I’ll have to flesh it all out and put add the dialogue. I think that part will be interesting because the characters will hopefully start to feel alive finally. I don’t yet know what all they are gonna be talking about.

It’s funny to type this into a giant, black screen instead of a giant white space with a bunch of little doo dads all around it. It’s so plain that it’s nice. I feel calm about it or something. It’s suddenly kinda silly to me how complicated a computer screen can be when you’re typing into it. I have a friend who has always typed on an old typewriter and I’ve always been a little envious of him because of it. Writing on a typewriter just seems so much cooler. It’s so hardcore. But I don’t have a typewriter right now. All I have is an awesome, state-of-the-art computer… (boo hoo.._)

I’m curious what it would be like to write songs on this. My normal songwriting “sketchpad” is just whatever sort of paper is closest to me. Lately it’s blank, white computer printer paper. But I’m not hung up on that or anything. In fact, I think I might be sick of it. White blankness is something I don’t like that much. I think it’s because I stare at it so often. I’m enjoying typing this into total black. It changes the experience a little. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s just different.

Anyway, I think I’m gonna scram and go find some food. Thanks for hanging out for a minute.

2010: 04/29
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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Secret Blog 47

Okay, remember that computer I was talking about earlier? Well I bought it yesterday! This is my first blog to type on it and it’s great. The screen is HUGE. I’m used to looking at laptop screens. This thing is the size of a TV. It’s one of the new iMacs. I got it at Best Buy. They ended up having one that someone had returned that was 15 percent off. It dropped the price by almost 200 bucks which was very cool. I think somebody just bought it and changed their mind about wanting one because there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m overly happy with it. I’ve been using an iBook G4 since the summer of 2007 and I’ve enjoyed it a lot but all of my music stuff was filling up the hard drive real fast. I think it has 60 gigs. I had to get an external hard drive. About 2 months ago the battery burned out so I had to set it aside. It just so happened that my birthday and tax return were coming at the same time. Actually, that happens every year since my birthday is April 14th.

I considered getting another laptop or maybe even an iPad. If you’ve read other blog entries you probably already know this. I came to the conclusion though that what I need more than anything is a lot of hard drive space. So I decided on this desktop. I’m actually kinda glad that it’s not portable. I am the type to use my computer ALL of the time so being able to take one with me means that I ALWAYS have it with me. But I’ve also been wanting to try to have a life that isn’t on the computer (sounds fun, huh?). I think having a desktop computer that has to stay in one place will help me compartmentalize my time. People have said, “Well, you won’t be able to take your computer to the library or to a coffee shop anymore!” I think that’s okay though. I think I’ll survive. And I like writing in regular notebooks a lot too. It’s more… organic.. (heh.. duh..).

It really is weird how big the screen is. My laptop was 13 inches and at that size you’re always bending down trying to see everything. This thing feels so spacious. Like, I’m typing this here in a giant open white space that’s gotta be at least 2 feet wide. I’m noticing that it’s taking me a little while to get all the way across the screen. I kinda like that though.

I love this. I love how flexible the giant screen makes my writing experience. I don’t feel cramped in. It’s like I suddenly have all this elbow room and I can myself out. I wonder if this will have an effect on my writing. I bet it does. I can’t see the ease of this making writing harder.

Last night I couldn’t sleep and I stayed up a little later and recorded my first song on the new computer. I was wanting to test out the new GarageBand and see how my USB microphone was gonna sound. It was great. Sorry, I know I sound like a salesman but I’m so glad to have this new computer. I know it’s geeky. I feel like my laptop was like my entry-level Mac. I played around on it a lot and figured out a bunch of the programs. What I could do on the thing was limited by the power. But this new thing is crazy powerful compared to it. Like, I watched a bunch of old Lost episodes on the other computer and it would take a little while to load. It was like watching a slide show version of the show. But last night I got on Hulu just to see how Lost looked on it and I was blown away by how great it looked and how fast it went. It was the same speed as as if I was watching it on TV. And the picture is actually clearer on the computer!

Oh and I wanted to note that I got the 21.5-inch iMac. There’s another one that’s 27-inches!! WHOA!! I don’t know if I would ever need a computer that big. IT. IS. HUUUUUGE. And the thing is that with a computer you sit close to it, unlike a TV where you’re usually at least 8 feet or so away. I am having a hard time imagining what this would look like on a 27-inch screen. Hmm… if I did a lot video editing stuff maybe that would be cool to have. It’s always nice to see videos as big as possible, especially if they’re going to be viewed by other people on big screens…

Anyway. I was gonna write until I filled up the giant white space on my computer screen and I’m only about halfway there! Gollee.

I gotta go so I can take a break. This blog entry has wiped me out!

2010: 04/27
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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Secret Blog 46

I just had a thought about songwriting. Sometimes it’s a waste of time to talk about stuff like this but this might be worth it.

I don’t exactly understand my songwriting technique. I’m in a foggy state when it happens. But lately what I seem to be leaning into is melodies. I like songs that have a continuous flow to them. It’s like one part of the song turns on and it goes through a whole motion before it resolves and then jumps into another part of the song. I have been writing songs lot slower lately because I’ve been trying to blog and develop some story ideas. So normally my thinking about music is rushed but right now it’s slow and I’m taking occasional glances at it.

The last song I wrote was a prayer type of song. I really enjoy writing songs that are just purely prayers and I think I’d like to make a whole album of Psalms-like songs someday. It got me thinking about how different my songs can be from one to the next. I mean, if anybody who just listened to the songs and didn’t know me thought I was schizophrenic I’d understand. The moods and the attitudes change a lot. At least they seem like they do from my perspective.

I know that different songwriters have different ways of writing. Some people only write when they are moved to. It’s like it overcomes them and then they write a song. I used to only do that but now I write songs that way only about 20 percent of the time. My process is much more intellectual these days. I think about the science of songs more. Or… I make more conscious references to other music than before. I used to try to imagine that I was the only songwriter that ever lived and write what songs that guy would write. These days I seem to enjoy being aware that my music exists in the same world as a lot of other music. It’s sorta like The Simpsons. That show rips off so much pop culture but it’s accepted because it’s part of the art of it. I think that’s interesting. It’s a way of using your art not just as a form of self expresson but also as commentary on other things you like and are inspired by.

I used to try to write songs with a sense of irony and satire. It was the style I was going for. But I stared to realize that half of the audence was catching it and the other half was taking everything literally. And that can be confusing. I realized that essentially I write for people my own age who are into creativity or whatever. But then I’d have kids or older people who would tell me that they liked a song that I guess I had never thought of as a kid or older person song. Now, I’ve always thought that music has a universal quality to it but my creative philosophy has been aimed more at trying to write songs of smaller and smaller stories. It’s almost like it seems that to connect with a broad audience you should write broader songs. But I’ve found that what people really connect to the most are small, intimate stories. It’s like, the more specific and detailed it is, the easier it is to relate to it. And I didn’t make that up or anything. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about.

Sorry, I’m getting distracted here. My original thought when I sat down to write this blog had to do with how different my songs are from each other and I think it has to do with trying to write more as a discipline than writing only when I’m inspired. The reason is that I think a lot of songwriters imagine themselves to have a certain voice and they wait around until they feel mentally “aligned” with that voice. It’s like they have a certain character when they are in a certain mood and they can only write in that character when they are in a certain mood. My question to that is, “what about the songs that you’re not writing when you’re not in that mood”?

Let me try to be clearer. See, I think that if a person writes more often and gets to know they’re creative process more they’ll find that they can write in many more “characters” and many more “moods”. I think that only writing when inspired is good (because it is writing) but I think you can restrict yourself and put yourself in a box. I think the most satisfying experiences I have as a writer and songwriter are when I surprise myself. I love the process of discovering new corners in the songs. I love when I think a song is about one thing when I start writing it and then it changes by the time I’m done with it. I love how I can think I’m writing a first verse but then realize that it’s actually the chorus and what I thought was the chorus is really the bridge. I love the way the parts build onto each other and I love how you can rearrange the orders of everything and I love how every song can play by it’s own rules and lean into whatever chord or melody or thought it wants to.

I’ve been reading a lot about how stories work. I am fascinated with the simple construction of stories. They are just beginnings, middles and ends. And I used to just think of beginnings but I’m starting to have a lot of fun thinking up just endings. And I’m also starting to think that stories aren’t worth taking the time to tell if you don’t know what it’s leading to. I think endings are very interesting. I love how they can be so many things. I love how different things can resolve a story. I love how an ending is a lot like bringing something full circle. You bring whatever was started in the beginning and tested in the middle to it’s full conclusion. And endings are so important. How a story or song ends is so crucial to what that story is about. I learned that from Robert McKee, I think. You can have a great beginning and middle and an awful ending and the whole thing will leave a bad taste in your mouth. But you can have an aweful beginning and middle and a great ending and people will rave about it. Because people remember the last part of it most a lot of the time. I think people who write stories should spend a lot of time studying endings and resolutions and what makes an ending memorable or forgetable.

Okay. I gotta run.

(How’s that for an ending?)

2010: 04/22
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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Secret Blog 45

I wish I could watch a new episode of Lost right now.

I decided to begin this post with whatever thought happened to be in my head. That was it. There are only 6 more hours of Lost to go. 4 regular episodes and a 2-hour series finale. I’m excited to see the story wrap up but I’m gonna miss watching it each week. I already said this in a previous blog but I’m a late Lost fan. I never saw an episode until January of this year. But since then I’ve blown through every watchable episode since. And now I’m up to speed.

Yeah.

I’m trying to slow down my twittering. I don’t think it’s bad but all people hear from me are my tweets. My life is partly defined by them right now because it’s the only communication I have with most people. I try to make them real good but… sometimes I just wanna say dumb stuff on there. But I feel like most of my thoughts are pretty boring.

Here’s a live feed inside my brain right now if you’re curious:

sure is raining a lot this weekend

think the dishwasher just made a sound

might watch tv pretty soon

just made coffee and put honey and 2% milk in it

hope i can buy a new computer real soon

hope i can record some music on it real soon too

hope i can get some new microphones to make it all sound better

sure did sleep late this morning

was gonna get up early

checking the internet is always exciting for me

i think i’ve got a couple more recorded office reruns to watch

i feel so boring but i like it

i wanna learn how to play some new songs that i like but don’t know how they go

there was a bob dylan songbook at barnes and noble for 10 dollars the other night- i saved the money to put it with my new computer money

i need to remember to write before i play nintendo this week- write before nintendo- remember

can’t decide if i want to relax or work today- working is relaxing in it’s own way because feeling productive makes you feel good about yourself

i really like when there’s nothing to do and nobody to talk to- i don’t get lonely very often- just thankful for the alone time

i feel peaceful and i think i’m looking forward to television today

sometimes television is the best thing around

but you’ve gotta watch it in moderation if you can

some tv is so good- i love good tv, what can i say?

i should do five productive things and then watch tv the rest of the day- that might be good

five productive things… sounds easy

i drank a flaming dr. pepper last night and i’m not sure what it was

i think it was good- i don’t drink much

some people party

i watch tv and try to think of productive things to do

time to get busy

2010: 04/18
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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Secret Blog 44

I turned 30 yesterday. I had a busy day around the house. I read some books and then I read some stuff on the internet about Lost. My Wednesdays are filled up with reading what people on the internet say about the previous night’s episode. I also listened to a c.d. lecture about economics. Then I went running and I think it was the first run of the year where I didn’t feel completely out of shape. I can tell my muscles are getting at least a little stronger.

And yeah, I turned 30.

It didn’t feel like a sad thing to me. In my twenties I always felt old. Now I feel like either a young person in his thirties or… or I’m just my own age. Fascinating stuff…

Yesterday I had some contemplations about the whole thing but I think I’ve moved on today. I just wanna talk about regular old topics. Having a birthday is fun. I think it was more fun when I was younger. The celebrating seems to shrink every year. Though I think my family might have more plans for the week that I don’t know about yet. I’ll just go with the flow and see what happens.

Last night my mom took me out to dinner and a movie. This is crazy. We saw the movie Date Night. So basically that means that on the night of my 30th birthday I saw a movie called Date Night with my mother. We were laughing about it but I was trying to ignore the depressing sound of the situation. For some silly reason I didn’t think the theater was going to be filled up with only couples on real date nights. I thought that would be way too predictable. But of course that’s what it was. Everybody was sitting two by two. One guy walked by my mom and I and snickered (no joke).

I was just glad to do something. If my mom didn’t take me out I probably wouldn’t have done much. Probably just blogged or something. So that was cool.

I feel good about turning 30. It doesn’t bother me. I think I did most everything I wanted to do in my twenties. Maybe I could have been more ambitious but I feel satisfied about them. And I already don’t miss being in my 20’s. I know some people have a strong emotional attachment to being young. I don’t think I have that. Being old sounds cool to me. That’s probably because I already feel like an old guy. I think I’ve already retired. I’ve got tons of cheesy sayings. I’m easily irritable. What more is there?

———————

This part is unrelated… I think I’m coming to the conclusion that I’m a lazy writer. I’ve been reading a book about how other writers work and they work much more than I do. They might work more than 4 hours a day on something. I think I’ve only been writing about an hour a day lately. That’s a lot for some people but for trying to be a real writer, that’s like going into work for only a couple hours a day. I’m at a coasting level.

I wonder if that makes me less of a writer. I still feel insecure about saying I’m a writer even though I do write pretty much every day. This is the most basic and true statement about writing: You have to write to be a writer. The act of writing is the simple thing that makes you a real writer (Wow?). I’ve found that it’s a heck of a lot easier to read than write. Writing requires a completely seperate brain movement (creatively speaking).

I sat down last night and wrote out some honest thoughts about my own discipline. I want to be clear with myself and realistic about how I think about myself. I think that’s why I’m having some trouble right now. I don’t know what my limits are. And I keep pushing them because I think I can do more. But I’m in a stage right now where I’m trying to work on longer things like books and screenplays. And I haven’t finished either yet. I’m in this vast desert place. And I’m constantly questioning mysef because I don’t know if I’m pushing myself for the right reasons. I mean, I think it’s good to challenge yourself but I also think it’s important to know your limits and learn to work within them. If not you don’t get anything done.

I have this screenplay that I’m working on, see? And I don’t like talking about it because what ends up is I just talk about it and I never write about it (even though me talking about it here is actually writing… hmm…). To work on it I have to write it. And I’m having a tough time doing that. I can write about it. But writing the actual thing is not something I’ve figured out how to do yet. But deep down I believe that it’s possible for me to write a screenplay. And that’s the thing that’s keeping me moving even though I don’t yet know what the other side looks like.

And what bothers me right now is people who have never tried to write a screenplay who just assume that it’s an easy thing to do. Because it’s really not. I don’t think it is at least. I know that if I actually pull this off it won’t have anything to do with writing on a whim or just “from the heart”. You have to craft a screenplay. They don’t just fall out of you. I do think I’m making ground but it is definitely hard to measure. And I think that’s another frustrating part of it right now. I have the desire and I have some stacks of paper with notes and all that mess on them. And I have tons of screenwriting books. But the actual screenplay isn’t here yet. And I don’t know if I should keep going and believing that it’ll come together or just let go of the whole thing. I mean, I already don’t think that this pursuit has been a waste of time because it’s been an enriching experience. It’s worth it every single day. It can be frustrating every single day but I defininitely do learn something valuable every day.

But I’d like to have an actual screenplay finished. That’s my golden word right now. FINISH. I’m not aiming for perfect or great at the moment. I think if I did I might not ever get there. I’m aiming for a real finish. I think that’s when I’ll really be able to let go of it. I almost want to just write a stupid movie. I’ve thought a lot about how critical we are of movies. I think people are quick to think, “Oh, I could’ve written something better than this!” But how many people really could? And how many people even try? It’s so easy to be critical. It’s hard to actually do something. Maybe that’s where I am. I don’t want to be critical. I want to make something. And even if it doesn’t work or if it’s bad at least I’ll know that I tried and I’ll know what I’m made of.

That would be a success to me.

2010: 04/15
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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Secret Blog 43

I have a marker board on my wall. I hammered in some nails and hung it up about a week ago. I have a list of things I’m working on on it. I have it there very visable so I can remember what the heck I’m supposed to be working on. It helps me stay focused.

These are the things I’m working on and in the order of priority:

1) Screenplay– I have a Tupperware box that I’m collecting writings in. I have an idea for a screenplay and I’m doing some prewriting to get my thoughts out. I have a piece of graph paper on the top and I’ve drawn a box around 100 little squares. My goal is to write 100 entries in preparation for the screenplay. And every time I finish an entry I add it to the stack and grab a red marker and color in one of the 100 little squares. I’ve got 13 filled in so far. It isn’t tightly focused. Some entries are about individual characters. Some are about random situations that I think are interesting. Some are asking questions to be answered in later entries. Some are pictueres I’ve drawn of the characters and some scenes. And then there are a few entries where I just talk about why I like movies and what my favorite things about movies are. One entry is basically me answering the question “Why the heck do I think Lost is so awesome?”.

This is my main project right now.

2) Secret Blog Entries– My goal right now is to write 50 blog entries on my wordpress blog. That’s what you’re reading right now. This is number 43 so I’m getting pretty close. I’ll probably finish this in a week and then I can erase this one from the list. There’s a chance I might continue these later on but my goal is to just do fifty. I am excited to have an exact ending that I’m working towards. I’m usually afraid of endings because they are so important. I don’t have any spectacular plans for the ending of this blog series. It’ll just be what it is. I’ve had fun doing them though.

3) Bible Chapters– There’s a pastor of a church in Minnesota named John Piper and I’m following him on twitter. One day around the beginning of the year he posted a link to a webpage that you could print out and piece together as 4 seperate bookmarks. It’s basically a Bible reading plan. One bookmark goes in Genesis. One goes in Psalms. One goes in Matthew and the last one goes in Acts. It has dates on it and what you should read each day. I started it a few days late and now I’m about 2 months behind but it’s been good. I’ve tried to read through the Bible before but I don’t normally get very far before I forget and get distracted. This has been a good way for me to do it and stick with it. I have to say though that the Old Testament sections are the hardest to read mainly because they are very boring to me right now. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to finish the whole Bible and then reread it next year or something. And I’m hoping that the Old Testament sections will make more sense then.

This should probably be my number one priority but to be honest it’s a lot easier for me to do than work on the screenplay. I’m looking at my writing projects as my job right now. I’m better at reading the Bible than writing a screenplay right now. That’s why it’s number 3 instead of 1. It makes me try harder to be regular with the screenplay writings.

4) Running– I’ve talked about this before but I’m trying to run regularly. I did this last year until the week of Thanksgiving when it just got too cold and gross outside. I’m trying to get back into the swing of things but it’s coming at a bumpy pace.

The other day I realized that my goal with running really isn’t to be able to run marathons or anything. Running isn’t my main thing and I’m pretty sure it won’t ever be. My main reason for running and exercising is to keep my body active because I spend a lot of the rest of my time sitting down reading and writing. My running is really just there to keep me active and moving around so I don’t become completely sedentary. Also, it’s nice to get my blood pumping a few times a week.

I’d like to run longer as I go but the shape I’m in is always fluctuating. I’m just not a natural runner I think. I’m still trying though.

5) Guitar Time– I write a lot of songs but to be honest, I don’t sit around and play guitar too much. I’ve never thought of myself as much of a guitar player anyway. I just know the basic chords and I try to be good with them. So I’m trying to make time in my days for guitar playing. More than anything this is just me picking up my guitar and fiddling around with it for about half an hour or so. Sometimes I’ll practice songs I’ve written. Sometimes I’ll try to learn some new songs. Sometimes I’ll just strum around. I’d like to improve my skills but it just takes time. Guitar time.

6) New Musical Project– I’m hoping to get a new computer with my tax refund money and my birthday money. And if or when I do I would like to get back into recording new music. I’ve been at a stand still for the last couple of weeks because the battery on my laptop quit working. My Stepmother is being kind and letting me use her computer in the meantime and that’s how I’m able to write these blogs.

I’m looking forward to being able to start on some new music because it’s always fun to do that. In time I’d like to get some good recording software and better microphones. That won’t be right away though. I think I could make some really good home recordings if I had a few key pieces of equipment. But I’m having to be patient for now.

This is low on my priorites for now and it’s nice to focus on the movie idea. But in month or two this one could get pushed up higher on the list.

7) Economics– I checked out some c.d.s from the library that are a series of lectures on economics from a guy in California. It’s basically an economics class at a college. I have never studied economics before so I’m listening through. It’s pretty interesting. I’ve listened to 3 so far and I don’t know if I’ll make it through all of them. I think there’s 14. I’m not trying to be an expert here. I just thought it would be good to listen to.

8) Podcast– Another thing I’d like to do when or if I get that new computer is start recording a podcast. I’ve become a big podcast fan over the last year and it’s got me wanting to start one too. I don’t have a lot of this fleshed out yet but I think I’ll at least have the technology to do it. I don’t know if it will be very good. I just think it would be fun. I kinda want to just make it up as I go and talk about random things each time. I think it would be neat to be able to do one per week. I don’t think it would take a ton of time and it would be pretty cool. Again, this is just an idea I have right now. I’d like to do it but I’m not sure if it will actually happen. Hopefully though.

Okay, that’s my list. Gotta go run now..

2010: 04/12
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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Secret Blog 42

I’m a very introverted person. I’m introverted even in how I live. I am comfortable with staying indoors for days, weeks and even months at a time. I do go outside every once in a while but I am pretty good at staying inside all day. It’s been known to happen.

I think it’s because there are so many things to do inside. I feel like I can get a lot done. I don’t do much outside except walk around. And I don’t usually build things outside or play any sports outside. I like looking out windows fine.

I’m trying to figure out why I’m so into being indoors. It seems like the wimpier way for a guy to be. I think dudes are supposed to like being outside and being tough. I like to be inside and sitting. I wish there wasn’t so much to do while inside and sitting but that’s where most of my richest life experiences happen. And that is probably sad but it’s true. I know that there was a time when I thought I could travel the world and see all kinds of things in real life. But then I realized that the most realistic way for me to get to travel would be by looking at a TV or reading a book. It’s easier and cheaper to imagine places than to actually go to them. And not that I wouldn’t like to travel. It’s just that it’s kind of expensive and it more than likely won’t happen much in my life.

And that’s okay with me because my sitting-down-inside-while-exploring-the-world skills have been able to evolve quite a bit over the years. I know how to use a computer and google stuff. I know how to read newspapers and map books. I’ve become an incredibly efficient still person. I can do more while being still than some people can do while moving. And the more time I spend being still it seems like the more stuff I think of that I can do while only being in one place and sitting down. It’s like I’m getting even better at being still than I used to be. And that’s almost unbelievable.

I could write about anything while sitting very still indoors somewhere and my mind could travel anywhere. I could go to different time periods. I could go to different countries. I could shrink down to the size of a dime and see what life would be like if I was really small. It’s like, the stiller I am the more I am able to do. Wow. That makes me want to jump up and down in celebration but at the same time I’m afraid that jumping up and down would take away from my sitting-down-and-experiencing-a-richer-life time. Maybe later when I’m already standing up and on my way to another chair or cushy sort of sitting thing.

What’s amazing too, and what might prove my point. is that whoever is reading this, even if they think what I’m saying is dumb, had to be still to read it. And that’s just how it goes. I mean, you can argue against it but being still is such a huge part of life.

Let’s hear it for being still.

And see how still you can be while celebrating (as a dare).

2010: 04/11
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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Secret Blog 41

I’ve had a few thoughts on blog writing.

– I like blogging but I don’t seem to want to do it at all hours of the day or night and when I do blog, I have to make myself do it about 90 percent of the time. Meaning that it very rarely happens on a whim. Every once in a while I’ll have something burning in me to tell the internet but that’s slowing down a little. I’ve gotta be disciplined to really do it.

– I don’t think I feel right posting links from twitter and facebook every time I update my blog. There, I said it. But yeah, I don’t think of what I write on my blog as very important to the well-being of the world or even the well-being of many of my friends. I seem to like the idea of people discovering it on their own time and at their own pace.

– In a lot of ways I think of blog writing as lazy book writing. Most of the entries are similar to what I would write in books if I had the commitment to write and finish books and remember to share them with other people. It’s real convenient to be sitting in the living room and suddenly have a few random and not-necessarily-important thoughts to add to the collection. I’ve tried to not talk about blogging while I blog so maybe the entries could be used easier later on but… sometimes it’s just fun to talk about blogging. Yeah.

– I personally think blogging is dumb most of the time. If I am completely honest with myself I know that a big reason I blog is because I like to write but I haven’t mustered the courage to try to get anything published. I’ve accepted blogging as a peaceful in-between-place. There isn’t any pressure really. And I like that. I can talk as much or as little as I want to. And I think the casual nature of blogging can effect what a person writes. It’s more like just talking to somebody normally. No real pretension. I like that too.

– I think having a blog is a good thing for a writer. Maybe the best thing. It’s good practice and experience. It’s cliche but it’s true, you learn to write by writing. I think Nike could make writing commercials and keep their “Just Do It” slogan. Don’t ask me what sort of shoes they’d make for writers because I myself am normally either barefoot or wearing holey socks. I’m just saying that writing, more than anything else I think, is deciding to put the pen to the paper or the fingers to the keyboard and then writing. It’s simple but the doing is the hardest part.

– I enjoy the creative elasticity of blogging. And let me explain that. I like how each entry can be completely different from the one before it. I like how one can be very personal and the next might be just a bunch of blunt facts. I do think that my writing style lends itself to more personal blogging but that doesn’t mean I have to do it like that. I guess I do think of that kind of writing as more interesting. I like to imagine that I’m stuck in a long car ride with the reader and I have to keep talking to keep it interesting. And in this situation I get myself to believe that the listener is extra extra fascinated with what I have to say. And that’s really charming to me because in real life I’m actually a pretty boring and monotone guy. When I write I get to pretend like I’m fascinating. It’s great!

– I am extremely comforted with the fact that most people don’t read my blog or would ever read it. What a relief that is! Strangely, I think I feel better with the thought that nobody cares than if a lot of people really cared. That would freak me out! I’m totally cool with being a boring dude to most people. I’ve developed a deep peace about that. And I seem to be up for doing anything to maintain the low intensity of bland-but-persistant writing. Ahh…. music to my ears…

– I think a blog is what you make of it. You can get on the internet and say anything you want to. The possiblities of that never cease to amaze me. And like the Bible verse says, you can tell what’s inside a person by what comes out of their mouth. I know for a fact that having a blog can be an incredibly embarassing thing for a person. But it can also be a fun blessing. I try to keep a good attitude about it though I can bitch and moan like anybody. One of my goals with my Secret Blog has been to just let them be. I don’t want to edit myself much past spelling and basics. If my writing is poor one day than it’s just gonna be poor. And I think that’s been good because the fact of the matter is that every writer is a human and the best writing is the stuff that remembers that, in my opinion. The imperfections end up being the more special parts. And I’ve been hoping to keep those parts in this blog.

Okay. Blog out.

2010: 04/10
CATEGORY: Secret Blogs
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