The Current State of My Own Music, For the Curious


Most applicable picture I could find on short notice

Okay, I’m trying to think of a way to talk about this without sounding too vague or cryptic. Hmm.. I don’t know. This isn’t meant to be mysterious, just an update on what is happening with my music. I think the last music I put out was about a year ago on Noisetrade. It might still be there if you’re dogged enough to find it. 

Short answer: I have between 15 and 20 new songs that I’ve demoed. My original plan was to try to produce them with more ambition and sound than I normally do. I’ve made attempts, but I’m at a point where my musical limitations are embarrassingly obvious to me. I can write a song with words and chords on an acoustic guitar and record it with a couple microphones, but I can’t play drums or interesting bass. I have ideas for how I want things to sound but not enough technical ability to realize them. And even if I could get the raw tracks down, my mixing and mastering skills leave a lot to be desired. I could always pay other people to do this stuff but I’m way too cheap to take chances like that.

What am I trying to say here? I’m saying that my plans with these songs are evolving and I wish they were ready but they just ain’t. I’ve been putting my creative energy towards some nonmusical projects that have more of my focus for when I have time to actually work on them. Mostly, I’ve been working a lot and it’s tricky to find writing time. I guess that’s just something that happens. Sad stuff.

I don’t know why but music has always been categorized as a hobby in my life and not really a career. The few times when I’ve pursued it more seriously were fun and all but still left me hungry and carless. I think some musicians are better at sticking with it during that “baren times” but I just don’t have a ton of drive in that department. I think I’m a results kind of person and making $20 bucks a year makes me think I need to find a better use for my time (that’s kind of a joke but kind of not). Saying “If I build it they will come” to yourself sure is romantic but when you’ve built and built and you look around and nobody’s there you start to kind of feel like an idiot.

I’m probably overly pessimistic about this but dang, writing songs and putting them out there is a ridiculously high thing to invest yourself in. I probably expect too much from the whole thing so I’ve often found myself flat out unsatisfied. It’s wacky. I get angry at the pursuit because it feels like it’s designed to jerk you around until you have no feeling in you left to express melodically with cute phrases.

There’s a chance I could get into a particular mood over the next few weeks and listen to my newest demos and decide they’re fine as they are and upload them to the internet as a Christmas present to people. I don’t know though. I do get in those moods. I was in one last week. But then I listened to them again and thought they sucked ___.   

Okay, need to run. More later… If you’re lucky.

Ha ha

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