If You Stare at a Blank Computer Screen Words Will Suddenly Appear (Lie)

I’ve been staring at my computer screen all day long hoping to get some writing accomplished and nothing has happened.  I think I’m a better procrastinator than a writer, actually.  Seriously, I can’t believe how dumb I feel trying to do this stuff sometimes.  It’s gotta be such an illusion to the reader ‘cuz they just sit and stare and it makes sense but getting the thoughts out and down and legible still seems like a miraculous feat.  I thought it would feel easier the older I get but… not so much.

I’m starting to feel unsure about how to respond when people ask me what I do.  Uh… not work but try very hard to type things that don’t always go places and… like… try to feel confident and worthwhile as a person.  Stuff like that.  I think that sums it up pretty good.

I have this list of things I need to do today.  I made the list last night so I’d be productive.  It’s 8 things and I’ve only done 1, which was “take clothes out of the dryer”.  I need to make shorter to do lists because I’ve realized that if my list has 2 things I might do 1.  I should really call them my Things-I-Need-To-Do-But-Probably-Won’t lists.  In fact, I’m writing this blog right now and surprise!! – it’s not on the list.

I think the hardest thing about writing is trying to do it every day.  ‘Cuz I know that I don’t like writing every day.  But I also know that I can’t finish anything if I only write when I feel like it.  And that’s the trick.  If you only write when you’re genuinely inspired you might write once every couple of weeks if you’re lucky.  Some people feel it more (and that’s amazing) but not all of us are like that.  I used to think writing was like a drug or a vacation or something.   I guess it feels more like a job lately.  But I’m kinda glad about that.  It makes it seem more real at least.

Another tough part of it is getting in the mood to write.  I have about 3 things I’m working on right now and they all require a certain thought process.  It’s like I have to “get” what I’m trying to do before I can start putting words down.  But my brain is SCATTERED, man!  It’s always darting in all sorts of directions.  Focus is a tough thing for me.  And so I sit with these pages and I have all the best intentions to add to them and build on what I’ve got, but sometimes I just can’t do it.  I can’t get my mind in the right place.

I think I need to figure out some mental tricks, like have some mantras to repeat.  Actually, I did come up with one for a screenplay I’m trying to write.  It’s something like, “I can do this.  I can write a great screenplay.  I am able to accomplish this goal.  I am going to write an intelligent and entertaining story here and people will like it and get it and not think I’m a total weirdo.”  That helped.  But it got lost in the stack of paper… I should try to find it again and maybe tattoo it to my chest backwards and stare in the mirror every morning when I wake up.

Or not.  I probably won’t do that.  Yeah, that’s probably a bad idea.  Yeah.

Okay, right now I’ve got 1 hour and 10 minutes to get 5 dvds back to the library and I’ve gotta book it ‘cuz I don’t have a vehicle option at the moment.  I gotta take it to the streets.  This was on my to do list.

Anyway, I gotta freaking get out of here.


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