Thoughts on God From 3:16 AM

I don’t know when this’ll post but it’s tapping down to a white computer screen just after 3:16 in the morning and I’m telling you this to be factual but also because it sounds dramatic and I don’t wanna lose that.

I have these thoughts about God and I’ve struggled with how to address things like this on my blog because I consider my blog more a place for… I don’t know, cute pop cultural nonsense, not theological musings necessarily.  But maybe I’m missing out on a whole ‘nother world of things that go through my head that are probably worth at least mentioning here and there.

I struggle with speaking openly about my faith because I don’t know if  it’s appropriate for the venue I’m writing in (my wordpress blog, see?).  This is probably ridiculous though because I know most everybody has some thoughts about God.

I’m one of the people who believes in God.  And I call God a he though I’m not totally sure why.  And insanely, I believe that God is good.  But I can’t argue why I do.  I’m not good at arguing or debating things like the existence of God.  To me that would make it an intellectual thing. But personally, I don’t believe in God because it makes sense to my brain.  In fact, it does NOT make sense to my brain and it’s big struggle for me.  It’s something I’ve gotta pray about.

But the heartwarming side of this is that my faith has a very real emotional effect on me, and that’s the part that I can’t deny even if all my words and actions try hard to.  There’s something inside of me that is deeply aware of the reality of God and what He has meant to me and my life.  And I don’t have any power over this (to be completely unromantic about it).  I don’t like being a preachy person, but I also like to try to tell the truth.  And for me, sometimes telling the truth turns me into what I would consider to be an irritatingly preachy person.  But it’s just who I am when I’m being me.  And it’s weird when who you are isn’t who you think would be cooler to be, know what I’m saying?

I don’t like telling other people how to think even when it would probably be a very wise thing to do (if I saw people walking off a cliff I’d probably think to myself, “Well, their dumbness was their own responsibility..).  I like to allow others to come to their own conclusions about things, because I’d like to get the same kind of respect, you know?

I believe in God but I don’t always know what he wants.  I believe that he makes himself clear and that he speaks to people, and sometimes in very different ways to how you’d expect.  It’s a big reason why if someone tells me that God is speaking to them, I like to give them the benefit of the doubt (unless it’s causing some freaky, weirdo behavior, in which case I like to run and hide).  I do believe that God speaks to people and that he wants them to listen.  And I believe that God talks to people even if they themselves think that God would never have anything to do with them.   And I think it’s actually pretty awesome when somebody who thinks God isn’t real or that he doesn’t like them… I like when people start doubting things like that.  Because I don’t think God’s love is as limited as we think it is.  I think it’s bigger and more profound than people realize, not to offend anybody.

And I know that it wouldn’t be worth believing in a God that’s that small.  Like, I want God to be more than I can understand.  I don’t want to “get” God.  And I do believe that God is impossible to completely “get”.

That’s why faith is called faith.  It’s bigger than your mind can grasp.  You don’t have faith because it seems good.  You have faith because you couldn’t accept God otherwise.  Faith is a requirement because God is too big to understand anyway.  Am I making any sense here?

Probably not.  But that’s the point.

I’m just trying to talk about God here.  Not trying to be awkward.  And if it’s too much for you, you probably shouldn’t read crazy stuff like this anyway.

    • Craig Morgan
    • October 14th, 2010

    makes perfect sense. thank you for sharing, I enjoyed it.

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