I don’t like work. Why is that (existentially speaking)?

I’ve got some deep down issue with the notion of work.  It doesn’t compute in my brain.  I’m trying to figure out how to explain this.   I used to think it was laziness but I don’t think it’s that anymore.

I think I resent work.  I don’t respect it as a thing.  I don’t like jobs.  I know you are supposed to be thankful for them and I say that I am but I know that I’m lying.  I don’t like jobs.  I don’t like having to go places that I don’t want to be to do things that I don’t want to do for people that I don’t necessarily like or care about.  It’s some malfunctioned thing in me.

I’ve had jobs since I was 16.  That one was McDonald’s.  I’m typically a pretty good employee.  I’ve only been fired once in my life and that was for trying to watch Futurama with a coworker (sorry but I love Futurama with an annoying passion.. no, actually I’m not sorry about that).  I’m not saying that I’ve served my time and earned retirement because I know so many people who have worked many more decades than me at jobs they don’t like.  I know that I’m being a whiney baby here.  I’m trying to grow up.  I’ve been trying to grow up since I was 16.  When I had my first job that I didn’t like.

I just don’t freaking like working!  That’s my problem.  I could have a job where I have to sleep all day and eat Pop Tarts and update my twitter page (which is mainly all I do these days) and I would find a way to hate it and dream every second of it that it was over.  Just having to perform some sort of task repetitively for other people… Gosh, I don’t even like whining out loud about this.. I’m gonna have to wash my brain out after this bitching time..

I’m not trying to be a bad person or a bad role model to children.  I don’t want to inspire other people to have bad attitudes about work.  I’m not aiming for that.  I’m trying to be honest here.  I don’t know why the idea of working makes me think I need to talk to a doctor or join one of those suicidal help groups.  Those exist right?  I hope I can find one within walking distance… hmm… and I hope it doesn’t cost extra money.. hmm…  gotta think about these things.  Gotta be realistic.

I think I need to marry a psychologist.  I wonder if I could pull that off..  hmm.. I need a live in, free shrink.  One with some money.  I wouldn’t even care if I had to live in a shed in her back yard.  Hmm.. I could really find a way to embrace that sort of lifestyle.  I would take good care of my shed.  And I wouldn’t do anything to interrupt my psychologist wife’s work.  I’d let her pick out my clothes and everything.  Anything to make us look like a normal, happy and sane couple.  Appearances are everything, you know.  And maybe my issues could be entertaining.  I’d be like a project for her..  hmm..  Don’t psychologists like helping people with brain malfunctions?  I got one, baby!  I could whine about how I don’t want to work and she’d feel useful and give me all kinds of advice I probably wouldn’t listen to.   Hmm… Just thinking out loud here.   This is how dreams happen.

Maybe if I just keep trying to figure out how to survive without working something will click in my mind.  I need a get-rich-quick-and-for-a-long-time scheme.  Hmm.. I really feel like I’m getting someplace here.  Something really upstanding and respectable.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.. I gotta think of some way to make some money so I don’t have to think about making money anymore.  Yeah.  Yeah. I like the sound of that.  I think I’m really onto something here.  Something’s about to come out of my brain.  An idea of some kind.  Something real smart, hmm… Something with wings.  Yeah.  Some idea with some wings.  That can fly like a bird or a pterodactyl.   No!  Not a pterodactyl!  Those things are extinct.  An idea that can fly like a bird.  Just a bird.  But not an ostrich.  Like a regular flying bird.  That sounds good.  Of course!  Something real smart.  Something that will make me seem like a regular person.  With a regular life with what appears to be purpose.  Yeah. I like the sound of that.  Yeah.  Maybe I’ll just keep reading this paragraph over and over.  Yeah.  How about that?  Hmm..  I’m gonna figure this out here.   Something’s gonna happen in my mind here in    just    a    minute..  I really feel like I’m about to have a breakthrough.  Yeah.   Something very exciting and wise.   Yeah..   that’s the ticket.

Wow I am really psyching myself up here.  This is great.

I’m gonna come up with a great idea here.  It’s gonna be some inspiring success story with a lot of money and everybody will be so happy for me (and hopefully leave me alone after that).  Yeah.  This is great!  My life is gonna matter to other people!  And I’m gonna have money (or marry a psychologist).

Gosh, it seems like my whole life is finally coming together!

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