Secret Blog 39

Have I made it clear why I’m writing a secret blog?  I think I said something in one of the first entries.  The only way it’s secret is that I don’t post links to the entries on twitter and facebook right after I write them.  I was doing that for a while and I’d check my blog stats and realize that no one was coming to read them anyway.  I still like writing them though so I decided to quit telling everybody.  I think a lot of people on the internet, the people on facebook for sure, don’t understand what I do.  So I’ll try to explain it.

I am a writer.  I write stuff.  I have blog and a twitter account and I make a concious effort to update them often.  It’s a personal decision that I’ve made.  And I have fun with it. 

I’ve realized that a lot of people think that if you’re on a computer all the time then you have some kind of psychological or social malfunction.  The truth is that if you want to write you have to sit down and do it.  It requires a lot of your time an attention.  And I write because I feel a purpose to it.  I don’t feel like I am wasting my time, even though I’m not making money with it.  I think very often that if I died suddenly and I had to look back on this last year of not working and mostly only writing.  Would I regret it?  Uh, no.  I wouldn’t regret that for a second.

I’m a better writer than anything else.  I’m a crappy most everything.  Writing is all I’ve got most of the time.  When I do other things I feel like I’m wasting my time.  When I write I feel right about it.  I know that I’ll die someday and that will be it.  So I’m trying to make the most of my alive time, see?  And I don’t think that my writing is for everybody.  I don’t think it’s for most people.  But I know that some people get a lot out of it and those are the people I feel commited to.  I write for those people.  Whoever they are.  And I personally don’t know who they are.  And I’m not blind or deaf.  I know there are some people who don’t like me or my writing.  They just get annoyed with it.  And that’s okay.  The easiest thing in the world to do is not read.  And they can just not read me.  Nothing wrong with that.

So I’m writing a secret blog because it gives me a chance to write without feeling like I have to be perfect or a genius or all of that.  I can just write and be myself.  And I’m more normal than is very interesting.  So… blah blah blah.   Or something.

I do think that a lot of writing is just making conversation and a lot of conversation isn’t interesting or valuable anyway.  People like to squawk at each other.  I am trying to make the squawking seem as intelligent as I can get it but don’t get mad at me if I fail to pull it off.  Squawking is only squawking by nature afterall. 

All I can think to say right now is, “I’m hungry.”  I want some food in my stomach so I’m gonna have to go get some.  Sorry.  I hope this time today has been vaulable for you.  It seems silly to me but I don’t know what your life is like.  Maybe your standards for what amuses you are very low.  And if so, I am thankful.

Squawk on.

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