Secret Blog 28

I’m trying to write a book with these entries.  I did the math some time earlier.  I’d like it to be over 100 pages, or maybe more than 200.  The idea is to just keep on updating and to try to keep the updates to at least a page or more (have I already said this?).  The hope is that I’ll stick with it and that it will all add up to something bigger than the individual parts.

I can’t say that I have a plan as far as where this is going.  The only real aim is to get over 100 entries.   Is that cheap?

I’ve learned something from this.  It’s that no matter what you think, writing is always imperfect.  I try very hard to get everything out clearly and correctly but the fact of the matter is that it isn’t going to all fit together.  I’m going to (and already have) say (said) dumb stuff.  And I see that the awareness that you are most certainly going to stumble can either freeze you in your tracks or encourage you to keep at it.

It’s funny to me how often I try to aim at perfection because when I go to bookstores, normally the things I’m most fascinated with are the total messes.  Messes are often more accurate because life is often more messy than perfect anyway.

Truth and honesty are the most important qualities for writing in my opinion.  If something is ugly but it has truth to it, I think it still has great value.

I have tried and tried so many times to write a book.  It never works.  I’m starting to think that the type of book I’m capabele of writing is very specific and all other types of books might only be met with failure and frustration.  I need to find a kind that works for me.

This here feels different.  It feels like it could go on for as long as I want it to.  I know that eventually I’ll have to quit but I’m not close yet.

This is freeing thinking.  If this all really does turn into a book, I’m going to be glad for what it actually is and not upset that it’s not something else I was hoping to make.  I want to accept it as it is.

(This is a profound moment for me, just so you know)

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