Secret Blog 9

I have a preplanned topic to write about with this entry but I’m gonna try to not say what it is.  Heh heh..  That’s mystery for ya’..  Anyway, what you are reading right now is the first draft of this entry.  The previous few were written in a notebook first.  This one is going out live to the internet.  So, am I nervous?  Well, actually I don’t think I am.  I feel comfortable with this arrangement.  I am not sure right now how having different drafts changes the quality of a blog.  If I ever do have two drafts the second normally only corrects the spelling and switches a few words around to make it clearer.  I don’t think what I say gets changed much at all.

So would this be considered free form?  I don’t know.  I’m not sure what that means.  Maybe.  Maybe that’s what it is.  And does that make the writing dumber since the dumb parts haven’t been edited out?  Who knows?  I’m trying to be real here.  And maybe I’m stupid.  Wouldn’t it be more honest for me to just let the stupid stuff stick and not try to hide behind any preplanned stuff.  I don’t know.

My brain feels like a slowly leaking thing.  It does not pour in a gushy way.  I’m not good at writing on whims of emotion.  I think it’s ‘cuz I’m getting older and I just get tired when I talk outloud.  I know how I say embarrassing things.  I know how I feel annoying.  Oh well.  

I respect writers who are able to write well consistently without having to wait around for inspiration.  Because really doing this day in and day out takes a skill.  You have to learn to be persistent about it and cut through your own excuses.  One of the things that seems to throw me off the most is how moody of a person I am.  I promise, in a given day I can cycle through so many differing emotions.  I’m glad that there is a consistency with paper.  It’s always words on a blank page.  It always looks the same no matter how insane or boring it is behind the scenes.  I mean, I could be crying or laughing at any point while writing and that would never translate to the audience unless I said, “I’m crying”.  (I’m not crying by the way)

Sometimes I will be in a horrible mood and I used to think I had an issue with depression but in reality it’s that I forget to eat.  I’ll get hungry and pissy and think I’m going through some freaky mental instability when actually all I need is a hamburger.  With mayonnaise and pickles maybe.  Hmm… or pizza.  

So why am I telling you this?  Why am I taking up serious blogging time to tell you that being hungry can probably explain about 90 percent of all mental issues?

Because it’s true, man.

And that’s why I’m gonna go eat some nachos.  For writing purposes.  For readers everywhere.

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