Secret Blog 6

I’m not dating these things.  I’m curious how they’ll read later on if no one knows when they were written.  I’m wondering if it changes anything.  It probably doesn’t matter much.  I guess one way to make something timeless is to not put the date and hour on it.

I just went on a walk.  It was for three miles on a sidewalk around some baseball fields not far from the house here.  It’s 3/8 of a mile all the way around so I went around it 8 times (is that right?).  Most of last year I was in the habit of running about four miles three times a week. It lasted until Thanksgiving because it got cold and wet and I spent a week housesitting at my Mom’s house.  It threw me off my routine and I never made it back on.  I probably could have just run less or walked instead but nah.  I just quit.

Tonight was my third night in a row to walk three miles.  I’m not sure what kind of shape I’m in.  It’s hard to tell because I’ve spent a whole lot of time in this house over the last few months.  I can be a real hermit when I want to be.

——

I’m writing very small in this notebook.  It’s wide ruled and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to write long entries if I only wrote on the lines.  So I’m doubling up.  It might be pointless but oh well. 

I’m trying to push my writing a little more.  I don’t know if I could ever be a novelist.  I find it a real challenge to make myself write most of the time.  Or, I mean that I never think I can connect it all or make a story out of it, you know?  To write stories you have to maintain a narrative.  I don’t think that’s something I’m able to do at the moment.  And I don’t see how people even do that anyway.  I mean write long, connected stuff.  That sounds so hard to me.

And how do people just blab and blab?  I don’t get it.  I can most everything going on in my mind in about five seconds normally.  And maybe that means I’m dumb, I don’t know.  But still, some people can write books that are over 700 pages long.  I don’t see how that’s possible.  And how can you get it all to tie together?  I don’t know.

Well, wait.  What am I talking about?  I’ve learned a lot from writing regularly.  I’ve learned a lot about how to work the writing muscle and how to get through self doubts and panic attacks!  I think the best realization about the difficulties is to know that yes, they do exist and they will always be a part of the process.  When you except that you learn to work with the challenges and not fear them as much.

There are so many things that can distract you from the task at hand but the benefits of persistence make it worth it.  I feel great after I’ve spent a day writing when I know it took a lot of work.  I feel proud of the accomplishment.  I love the feeling that something wouldn’t exist unless you decided to sit down, dream it up and make it.  

I used to read books and take for granted the gifts that writers give.  I find myself a lot more grateful for the written word lately.  It’s a real sacrifice get things down on paper.

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