Secret Blog 3

I think my wordpress and facebook and twitter pages need to all separate.  I don’t think of them all as one thing.  They’re not even 3 separate streams leading to the same ocean.  They’re more like totally different vehicles traveling on totally different highways in totally different cities.  

My wordpress is where I put all of my more serious writing.  It’s where you can get all the big gulps.  If I have a lot to say that could overwhelm twitter or facebook I put it on the blog.  That’s where I don’t have to limit my character count and I can really just let ‘er rip. 

My twitter page is really fun for me because I like the people and things I follow.  I like to read what people are doing.  I think it’s because I’m actually interested.  It’s all so fun in a goofy way.  I’ll follow links to all sorts of random articles and videos.  I think I get a pretty well rounded view of the world actually.  I get The New York Times, Rolling Stone, CNN, youtube, Paste, The Onion and a bunch of other random updates.  It’s a good way to keep up with things.  

My facebook page is strange to me.  I like it and all but I don’t talk to any of those people much.  It’s a lot of friends and family and sometimes it feels like going to an old place where I know a bunch of people but always wanna leave.  My twitter updates are connected to my facebook updates so a lot of times I will make some update for my twitter community and the message shoots down to facebook and all these random people have commented on it.  And I guess that’s cool but sometimes I’m freaked out at the people who are laughing.  I’m like, “Who the heck is that?”  It’s confusing.  I’ll try to make some joke about something most people don’t even get and then my sister will leave a comment to see if I have any pictures of my niece.  I think it bothers me because it reminds me of all the people who think I’m a freako.  Facebook just leaves me feeling misunderstood…

I hate how awkward my real life is because of my writing.  I know that most everybody doesn’t care or even know who I am but there are some who actually do.  I have no idea who these people are actually.  Some random people.  But sometimes I will run into somebody and they’ll say, “Hey, I read your blog man!”  And I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to them.  I’ll be glad but I don’t know what they know about me, you know?  I can’t remember what I write all the time.  Usually I am quite sure that they know a lot of embarrassing things about me.  And just because they like what I wrote doesn’t mean we’re gonna be best buddies or something.  It blows my mind how many different interpretations things can get.  Some people I think have a very weird picture of me in their minds.  They think I’m somebody else entirely.  And when I see them and they talk to me, they are really talking AT me to some other guy in their imagination.  And I don’t know who that guy is honestly.  I try to accommodate but I’m at a loss most of the time.

That seriously is the WEIRDEST feeling!   Just imagine what it would be like if a total stranger came up to you and started talking to you like they knew you.  And then imagine that they are not insane and that it’s actually normal.  That’s what happens!  I think it has had a funky effect on my mind.   Like I don’t know how to process it.  There are a lot of things that have come with being a writer that have really rattled me.  I am not a famous person but I do know that more people know me than I know.  Or at least there are some people who know me or have heard of me or have head a song or read something and I don’t know those people and I will probably never meet or see those people.  It’s all beyond my control or understanding.  And yeah, I don’t think I’m famous but my reach does extend further than I know.  Even if it’s not that far.

I think I have begun to believe that many people think I am seriously an extreme weirdo.  And this bothers me because I like to think I’m, you know, at least pretty good.  So I have this thing where I always feel like I need to explain myself to people I don’t even know who probably don’t even exist who are really just figments of my overactive imagination.  

So, I know I’m crazy.  I know that I am very seriously partly insane.  But does knowing that cancel it out?  I know for sure that if any person on this Earth came up to me and accused me of being a wacko I would not argue with them.  I myself think I am a strange guy.  But at the same time I think I’m a pretty nice and cool guy.  Know what I mean?  And you really can’t go around telling people how normal and nice you are.  That’s definitely NOT normal!  Still, I’d like to remind everybody:

I’m a normal and nice guy.

Let’s talk later.

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