Jeff Time: Day 19

Question:  Jeff, why do you do “Jeff Time”?

Thanks for the question.  Well, a blog is a strange thing because it can be done for many different reasons.  A lot of people blog as a hobby and then there are many who blog as part of their job.

I guess I am doing this as a hobby for now.  I’m not making money from this or anything.  And no, I don’t think that makes me a purer person.  Poorer maybe, not purer.  But then, perhaps being poor has a way of purifying you too (hmm, that’s a topic is for another blog…).

I’m actually trying to get to the bottom of my intentions myself.  They are vague to me too.  I know that I enjoy writing.  That’s not a secret if you are somebody who has read this blog or listened to my music.  I enjoy having a place where I can work on my craft and have it available for people who want to read it.  It’s an outlet.  It’s a platform.  It’s an always-available open mic.  And who wouldn’t want that?

I never know how official it is though.  I’ve always been sort of afraid to make money with my writing.  Or at least hesitant about it.  Once there is money coming in you start to feel responsible to the people who are paying you.  And that is not a responsibility I normally enjoy.

It’s funny because I remember when I first started writing it was very much a sort of personal search for me.  I wanted to learn how to think for myself and come to my own conclusions about things.  I didn’t want to just think or believe anything blindly.

I think the more I questioned things the more my questions would turn back around to myself.  And I most definitely have gone through periods of extreme arrogance where I think I know everything there is to know.  Of course that kind of thinking seems to eventually always come back to haunt you when you realize that you are a human being just like everybody you are jumping to criticize.  It seems there normally is a plank of wood hanging from my own eye when I’m shaking my finger at the sawdust in another’s (to put it biblically).  

Arrogance can be a tricky thing to maintain, especially if you know a lot of honest people who aren’t afraid to give you a little kick in the behind anytime you get out of line.  And luckily (or painfully) for me, I have a lot of people who care for me and are quick to preach at me whenever I start going a little crooked.  And let me tell you, that can be annoying!  And it might be a big reason for why I really enjoy  s  p  a  c  e.

I am someone who speaks his mind and it DEFINITELY inspires others to speak their minds right back at me.  Me, I get preached at in quadraphonic surround sound…

 

So, at the bottom of all this I am probably blogging more for selfish reasons than anything else.  I like to run my mouth but I don’t like to annoy people (and those two things don’t normally mix very well).  Having a little corner on the internet where I can really cut loose seems to keep me in good shape.

And I have tried repeatedly to maintain certain themes for long periods of time but that is not something I do too easily.  Meaning that I myself never know what I’m going to talk about from day to day.  I’m a wanderer by nature.  And my brain can travel on it’s own at light speeds (or at a snail pace sometimes, I have to say).  I used to think I would settle on drawing pictures or discussing religious stuff or just talk about music but it changes all the time.

I don’t know if that’s an apology or just an admission of the facts.

I have decided recently though to quit trying to plan things too much because no matter where I hope to aim each day, I ALWAYS wander off topic.  I can put my full trust in that happening.  And when you do that kind of thing you really do spend a lot of your time praying that whatever junk you just rambled about will somehow be good or helpful for people to read.

Another way to put it is that I have decided to “write how the Spirit leads”.  And that’s a capital S because I’m using Christian terminology there.  So I mean that I am going to try to write where the HOLY Spirit leads, just to see what happens.  

(I’m scared too)

 

So, I might be doing “Jeff Time” more for me than for anybody else.  And I don’t feel guilty about that.  It’s just how I’m made to be.  Someone once told me something that blew my mind and I didn’t know if it was a compliment or an insult.  They said, “Jeff, it’s so neat that you are so selfless about talking about yourself so much.”  I was like, “Wha-?!”  That didn’t make much sense to me.  How could it be selfless to talk about yourself?  

And she was right that I talk about myself a lot.  She nailed that part.  I do that so much that I annoy even myself!  

(Silence can a good thing, right?) 

I guess it’s interesting for people to hear you talk about your life.  I know that kind of talking is what I usually relate to more.  It seems more personal.  But yeah, it does seem kind of selfish in a way.  

My main goal with my blog (and I’m sure I have already stated this a million times) is to keep regular with it and to try to do it as a kind of service.  I think about a lot of people I know when I am writing and I try to write things that might help them or be good to hear, or even just entertain them.  I don’t think that everybody needs to listen to my music or hear about what movies I like but I guess it’s just my way of trying to make conversation.  Those are just things that I normally talk about with people.

 

And I’m not saying all of this so I can get really serious or to destroy any mystery surrounding my blog.  I’m just saying it to say it, that’s all.

 

And now I am going to be quiet again.

 

Rock.

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