Alright Computer

(Note: This was written on Sunday morning and saved  but not posted.  Now it’s here for the masses to consume.)

I can’t decide what I want to do today. I just had an accident on twitter. I mean, I thought of way too much to say for about 10 minutes. When this happens I remember my wordpress blog.

I think I want to get a New York Times today. The Sunday editions are five bucks but I might be in the mood to sit and read it today. Every time I buy one of those things I read a few articles and then feel wiped out by the rest of the information. It’s like I want to be able to take it all in but I can’t.

I watched the movie Jaws for the first time yesterday. I rented it. Actually, I slept through it. I didn’t sleep a wink on Friday night and instead of sleeping all day Saturday to catch up I decided to just wait until night time. I only made it halfway through the movie.  I have been nocturnal lately. I think I already mentioned this. I have been staying up all night until 6 or 7 am and then sleeping through to 2 or 3 in the afternoon.

I’ve been working on some writings and making ground but I still don’t know what I want to do with any of them. It’s so easy to just post stuff on the internet these days. It’s like if it takes longer then a second to “publish” something I just forget about it. I don’t know if I have ever been officially published (the old fashioned way). I just put stuff up on the internet. And I can’t tell if that is forward thinking or lazy or cool or sad or what.  If it’s sad please don’t tell me.  Allow me to feel cool, please.

I don’t know if I like the internet. It’s just a mean to so many ends. I guess what I mean is that I often wish I could do without it these days but I can’t figure out a better solution, you know? It’s pretty convenient to be able to sit in a living room somewhere and type on a laptop and then send stuff out to whoever wants to hear.  And then go to sleep.  If you can.

And not that it makes your writing any better. I forget why I write on a near daily basis. I forget why communication is important. These days I think more about what I don’t say than what I do.  And there are so many people talking, you start to wonder if there is a point to even opening your mouth anymore. I mean, what needs to come out? What do people need to hear?  Aren’t they just annoyed at this point?

I don’t know. I don’t know how this stuff works. It just doesn’t seem as vital to me as it used to. It’s so easy to get lost in the noise and feel like all you’re saying is the same stuff everybody else is saying.

There are so many freaking people saying stuff.

There are so many platforms and websites to speak from. I wonder if this is diminishing the quality of what is being said.

Sometimes I think that being obsessed with modern communication is unhealthy for me. I guess it’s just interesting. It’s just so weird how anybody can make anything available for anyone to read or see. It’s so easy.

I think it’s all just crazy.

I get tired of looking at computer screens and clicking links and having to approve of friends online. I mean the everydayness of it. And I know that I can turn my computer off but you can’t do anything about how digitized our world is. It is so normal.

I was driving around yesterday and trying to get a grasp of the last few years of my life. I remember having a time where it seemed like the internet just swallowed me whole. And I didn’t notice it at the time. I didn’t know what was going on. It was like that day when you realize you check your facebook page every day and that it has become as regular to you as brushing your teeth.

I think I felt creeped out by the internet and then it seemed like I hit a point where I realized that I had to surrender to it. I was wondering if that’s what Radiohead was thinking when they titled their album “Ok Computer”. Like it was an approval or an admission that this computer thing was here to stay. That was my own theory.

When I say surrender I mean give up to the reality of it.

(Okay, I just ran out of stuff to say so I guess this is all you get for now.)

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