Me: Lord, do you still allow suffering?— God: Oh yeah! ABSOLUTELY!!!

This was an interesting weekend.  It’s all a little connected to a longer story that I won’t have time to get into right now.

It’s 6:09 a.m. and I just rolled off a pullout bed that I shared with a dog named Mojo.   How does that sound?  This is my second night in a row to sleep over here at the Rowe’s house.  Now, I am pretty sure they won’t read this blog so I feel safe telling the world that they are basically saints disguised as hippies. 

I’ve been battling an intense headache since Thursday.  I think it even came with a few bonus features.  My temperature last night (before 3 Tylenol) was 102.3 degrees.  I guess I shouldn’t say that the headache was battling me because I’ve pretty much been laying down defeated it.

And now, I can’t really feel sorry for myself either because I think it all came from me not eating.  And that came from me not working for 2 weeks.  And that came from me hating my job and thinking very dark thoughts (which helped me to know how dire the situation was).  Well, that’s when I realized that I HAD to quit my job.  Because it was very slowly destroying me. 

I also quit because I have about an ocean’s worth of writing to get to and working on that for free was starting to sound infinitely more wise to me than selling Buffalo wings and salads for the amount of money I was making. 

I knew too that I had some tax refund money coming in and if anything I could buy a small window of time.  Meaning that I could pay a couple of month’s worth of bills and not have to wait tables for a minute.

Anyway, I thought that the check was going to come sooner but because of some confusion about which bank it was supposed to go to I still haven’t gotten it. In the meantime all of my money and food has completely dried up.  I got nothing.

(Actually, last night I finally went to the I.R.S. website to check where my refund check was and they informed me that it was in fact deposited into my bank account on March 27th.  Back when I still had a job.  Prior to me waiting two weeks for it to be mailed to me.  Ain’t that how it goes though?).

Now, I tell some people about my life and it probably sounds like a dream.  Young, single guy writes songs all the time.  Envy fills the hearts of all around…  Well, I do enjoy it for sure but being alone 10 hours away from your family can be seriously difficult.  I’ve spent so much time lately sitting by myself in my small, isolated apartment without a working vehicle.  And I don’t say that so you’ll pity me.  I’m just saying that it really is tough when it’s you alone against the world, having to worry about every single last thing that needs to be done by… you alone.  You just get so used to being way behind on most everything. My head has barely been above water for years now.

Sometimes I think I’m so mentally and physically exhausted that I’m probably some sort of technical cripple by now.  So I am not sure if I gave up or if my body just cut out on me.   I think I’ve just “driven” way too long on very little “gas” ( hey, I know how you people love your metaphors).

Anyway, I spent Thursday and Friday last week stuck at my apartment.  Again with no job, food, money and laying there alone staring straight into the gigantic black abyss that has become very often my imagined future.  I think that’s when the combination of malnourishment mixed with the mountains of inescapable brain stress all mutated me into a slab of silly putty in the shape of a man buried under three blankets in a stuffy little apartment. 

And I think that’s when the regular sickness came in.

Okay, I’m trying to cut this short.  Some good friends have stepped in and helped me with food and medicine and company.   Strangely, I even survived a house show on Saturday night (which is another story) of which about half of my set got recorded (also another story) and which I am hoping to release as downloads via my myspace page very soon ( and yes, that is a third completely separate story you will not be hearing at this time).

So to tie it all together I spent Sunday with the Rowe family (and aren’t families good to be around?   Can I get a witness?).  They have been looking out for me and making sure I have food going into my mouth.   I am quite sure that I am on the road to recovery in a large part because of thier kind and generous friendship.

So today I’ll be visiting the bank and taking out a bunch of money (solely for chicken fried steak).  Then I’ll go to the doctor’s office where I’m assuming he’ll  give me a prescription to work and also to eat. 

I mean, I just have a feeling in my bones that that’s what he’s gonna say…

So that’s my story and it’s sticking with me (heh heh…).  Have a nice day.

Oh yeah, and tomarrow I’ll be turning 29 years old, thank you very much.

And finally…

Rock.

Actually, let me amend that.

Eat.

And then rock.

J.G.

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