Preplanned Blog

This blog entry has been planned and designed prior to the time when it was entered into Jeff Grant’s amazing wordpress blog.  Jeff took a few moments to scribble all of this into a black notebook that he purchased sometime in 2008 at a Walmart for 5 cents.  How many did he buy?  20 (or a dollar’s worth).  

As he wrote “20” in the previous sentence his pen ran out of ink so he switched to another one.  The first pen (the one that ran out of ink) was purchased at a Walgreen’s perhaps 2 weeks before the day that Jeff Grant wrote this.  It was the Walgreen’s in Downtown Nashville right next to a place called “The Arcade”.  Jeff more than likely bought 3 pens, a copy of The New York Times and a pack of chewing gum.  The bum was probably not the incredibly sugary kind but the type that makes your breath fresh when it has gone stinky.  

The second pen (the one that he is currently writing with) we acquired more than likely at Applebee’s on Tuesday, February 10, 2009 around 10:40 a.m. when Grant, realizing that he was low on pens and about to begin waiting tables for the day asked to anybody who could hear, “Anybody go any extra pens they wanna donate to Jeff Grant?”  

2 pens were given.  One a white pen with a green grip and pocket-clip-thingy (though the clip-thingy had been broken [or bitten] off).  The second pen given used to be retractable but had somehow gotten jammed (though Jeff was never told how this happened).  The pen was clear with a blue, loopy line and in white letters it read “Aflac”.  This pen was not used to write the first version of this blog though he did hold it up with his nonwriting left hand to look at it while describing it in the previous sentence.

Jeff wrote this while sitting in a coffee shop though he decided not to mention which one because he goes to many in the Nashville area.  He did not want to use his blog as a commercial for local coffee shops so as to retain a neutrality so he will be able to visit them all without feeling any kind of socially political allegiance.  Thus the shop where Jeff wrote this blog will remain generic for now.

Normally Grant does not write his blogs out like this before he posts them.  Normally he is sitting at a generic coffee shop with free wireless internet when he gives himself a time limit of thirty minutes to an hour to write something cute and clever.  Of course it’s usually closer to fifteen minutes and Grant often feels that he is rushing himself and wonders if he is giving his writing enough thought.  He worried occasionally that he readers might think that he is stupid or poor with grammar though most of the time he tries not to care much what people think of him anyway (so as to maintain what is left of his sanity).  He thinks that people more than likely will get what he is trying to say.

At the generic coffee shop where Grant originally wrote this he is looking around and sees five other laptops.  One is not open but laying clammed up on a table between two guys who are talking about something but Jeff can’t hear them very well over the Beck c.d. that is playing in the back (Mutations).  “Holding hands with an impotent dream…”  Jeff wonders if Beck is talking about anything specific here.

A chair creaks on the floor as the only girl in the coffee shop gets up to leave.  Beck does not care if his new friend is decrepit and gray.  Jeff thinks for a second about how impersonal his writing has become over the last two years.  He used to write more exactly what was in his head but now he tells himself that “Jeff Grant” is actually more of a character than the real guy.  This thought seems to mess with the brain of the real Jeff Grant but it is also comforting for the real Jeff Grant to blame any weird lines on his alter ego, Jeff Grant.  He is aware that he and his alter ego share the same name but this is all just a lazy coincidence.  He knows that this will not make sense to other people but he is thankful that at least he himself knows what he is talking about (when he is talking about he himself).

Jeff laughs to himself at the absurdity of the previous paragraph as another female walks into the coffee shop.  All heads take a momentary glance to see if they know the girl (or perhaps if they are attracted to her).  Jeff has yet to see her face and assumes that he does not know her since he doesn’t know most of the females that he has seen here so far this day.  Suddenly another female walks into the coffee shop (while the first clumsily tweezers a cinnamon raisin cookie from a glass jar).  The ladies are not sitting at the same table but at two tables right next to each other.  One has marked her spot by putting her backpack in a chair before walking up to the  counter to order something (Jeff will not report on what she is ordering so as to respect her privacy).

Jeff takes a moment to count the number of pages he has filled up and learns that the current sentence is being written on page six.  

Jeff listens to Beck while considering his own other life as a rock star.  Jeff thinks that these thoughts are entertaining though he gets stressed out by them too.  People ask Jeff when he will be playing a show and he always has a somewhat sheepish response like, “Oh, I don’t know… I played one the other day… I might play again sometime but I don’t know… you might wanna check my MySpace page or something… awe shucks…”  Then Jeff tells whoever he is talking to that it was nice to talk to them (even if it really wasn’t) and then he goes and does something that will make him look busy.  Appearing busy is a great way to deter curious people.  They will often stand back and think “Wow, he must be writing some song that we’ll all hear later on…” when in reality Jeff is only writing the word “watermelon” over and over again so as to appear to be writing feverishly and passionately.

As Jeff begins writing on page number seven he notices that there are now three women in the coffee shop and has decided to put his pen down and pick up his computer.  Though he knows that he should type this entry right away Jeff knows that he will more than likely check his MySpace and Facebook pages before he gets down to his blogging business.

Jeff knows himself all to well…

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