A Naked Woman Walking Down the Street
I ate dinner tonight at Pei Wei with my mother. Afterwards she was wanting to take me over to a Walmart because she had a 20 dollar gift card and I was needing razors and soap.
So we were driving over to the Walmart on Basswood. For those of you who don’t know this is a pretty nice neighborhood and it was one of those Walmart Neighborhood Market stores.
She had asked me to drive her car because she just had a glass of chardonnay. As I was pulling into the Walmart I looked over for a second to see what looked like a man walking along the sidewalk towards us. Maybe thirty feet away.
Then I took another look and thought, “That guy has small boobs.” Then I looked down and thought that the guy must’ve had flesh-colored shorts on. And I kept looking and realized that there were no shorts on the guy. There was nothing! And there wasn’t one of those things guys have. It was blank. So I asked my mother:
“Is that a naked woman walking on the sidewalk right there?”
She looked over and said, “Oh my ga’! Jeffrey, that girl is NAKED!!”
“Oh my ga’,” I said.
That’s when we completely forgot about Walmart.
I drove so slowly in stun mode. My mom and I stared in shock and bewilderment. “WHAT IS HAPPENING??! WHAT IS GOING ON? WHY IS THAT GIRL NAKED?!” We pulled into a parking spot and mumbled like zombies to each other as she made her way through a crosswalk filled with cars. With families. With little kids. In minivans and stuff. Right in the middle of traffic.
A naked lady.
While the sun was still shining. And everybody in their cars slowed down. And nobody tried to pick her up. My mom said, “I’d pick her up but I don’t want her sitting on my car seats… Should we call 911?”
Me: “Uh, I don’t know… is this an emergency? This is psycho. I guess… Yeah, call ‘em…”
So she dialed and when the dipacher picked up my mom said, “I don’t know if this is an emergency but there is-
“-a naked woman walking down the street?!” finished the dispacher.
Then the dispacher informed my mother that they had had SEVERAL calls and my mom told me later that she could hear people in the background at the 911 office giggling.
We were going to go into the Walmart to get my things but my mom said, “Let’s follow where that girl went and see what happened.”
And it was her car so she was the boss so we drove in the general direction. And as we went there were many people pulled over to the side of the road and people standing on the sidewalk with shocked looks on their faces and laughing nervously.
We pulled up a little further and there were three police cars on the side of the road and I guess they picked her up.
I’m still a little in shock. I wasn’t expecting to see that tonight.
Yeah, definitely not.
I have been googling around but I haven’t found any information about it. Then I remembered how strange it is to google “naked lady.”
I don’t know. Crazy story, thought I’d pass it on.